After losing Allie Grace, Sam and I felt pulled toward adoption. After weeks and months of prayer, we felt called to pursue it and jumped with both feet in. This is the story of how our good and faithful God blessed and restored joy to us in the middle of a hard, hard season.
*August 2012- Sam and I began to discuss and pray about adoption.
Sept. 2012- Sam and I attended the first class of the foster to adopt classes offered by our local social services.
2-28-13 My Prayer Journal
Yep, you read that correctly! Lord, I pray you’ll bless us with a “good sleeper”! I have been praying this child sleeps since before I even knew the road laid out before us! I may
or may not be suffering from sleep deprivation.
December 1, 2013- While holding our precious, sleeping Allie Grace, Sam tells me, “There is a baby out there for us!” This is the peace we both needed to move towards adoption.
12-16-13- I mailed off our application to Amazing Grace adoption agency. Eeek! Very exciting! The first BIG step towards adoption.
12-17-13- I received an anonymous package in the mail. A book on adoption. Unopened. Unmarked. With no return address nor receipt. Creepy…maybe! Wonderful…yes! Confirmation that we are on the right road!
12-28-13- Journal entry…Sweet Joy, as I bow my head and get down on my knees, praying over an empty crib, I know God hears my cries. I know deep in my soul He will fill that crib with a beautiful and healthy (and good sleeping! ;)) baby girl. Joy, you are CHOSEN and begged for! My womb may never carry again, but my heart desires and craves to fill the void and brokenness my Allie girl left behind. Sweet Joy, when will you come? I can’t wait to hold you, to cry and rejoice over you! May God save your soul at a young tender age, and may you always know how loved you are! For you are CHOSEN by God to fulfill my prayers!
1-8-14- Journal entry…No call or response to from AGA, so I waited until 4:30, close to closing time to call. I spoke to the advisor. She was kind but very discouraging! She told me our application was not accepted until I go through grief counseling. Discouraged isn’t the term. Broken. Hurt. Cast down were just a few of my feelings. Angry! Who was she to tell me I needed grief counseling? She doesn’t even know me! We had been praying about adoption since 2012, a year before we even conceived Allie. Who was this woman to interrupt God’s plan?….Oh, I hear you, Lord, speaking to my
feisty broken heart. AGA wasn’t God’s plan. God doesn’t need an agency to give us a child. Ephesians 3:20: “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us.”
(Over the course of the past month, I had spoken to over 26 adoption agencies/consultants/counselors.)
1-10-14- I called Nathanson adoption services. We had decided to go through an adoption service that only dealt with home studies rather than going through an agency. (For those of you who don’t know, by LAW you have to have a completed home study to be able to adopt.)
1-14-14 Journal entry…Jer. 17:7-8 “Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green, and shall not be careful in the year of drought neither shall cease from yielding fruit.” Help me, Lord, to focus on you. To be content where you have placed me. Help me, Father, to breathe through the pain of missing my girl. Forgive me of my many sins and failures. Amen
1-17-14 Journal entry…This morning I packaged and mailed off our application to begin our home study! We are excited to finally begin this process. Just hoping we get approved!
1-21-14- We are approved with Nathanson adoption services! Let the home study begin! Thank you, Lord, for answering prayers!
2-1-14- Journal entry…Traci brought me our “Adopt” shirts! They look so good. I can’t wait for us to all wear these while holding our baby Joy! Traci also posted the picture on FB and the outpouring of support from friends and family is amazing!
2-2-14- 1st Home Study meeting with our social worker Jennifer
2-7-14- The most precious phone call I’ve ever received. A precious sister in Christ, my friend and prayer warrior, offered to carry a baby for us. Selfless. I’m moved to tears. We declined the offer, but I will always be grateful for the love she has shown me.
2-12-14- Session one with a grief counselor. (You remember me declining and rebuking that suggestion?? Well, it seems our social worker recommends I have at least two sessions for our home study records. (Who knew?!) )
Journal entry- Lord, I am anxiously awaiting holding my baby girl that you have for us. Lord, I can’t see that hope, that beautiful story You have for us, but I cling to Your scriptures and that You know the desires of my heart and Your plan is perfect. Lord, take this brokenness and bring Joy.
1 Samuel 1:15: “And Hannah answered and said, No, my Lord: I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. 27) For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him.”
2-16-14- 2nd Home Study meeting with our social worker Jennifer
2-17-14- Sheriff’s office for (Home Study) fingerprints.
2-18-14- Mailed off our FBI applications for our home study
2-18-14- We received by email our state forms.
2-19-14- Spoke to Sam’s neurologist to get a health clearance for his MS in writing.
3-18-14- 3rd Home Study meeting with our social worker Jennifer
Psalm 66:20: “Blessed by God which hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me.”
Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.”
4-14-14- Our Home Study came in the mail today!!! It’s completed! Praise Jesus!
4-16-14- We begin working on and creating a profile on Parentprofiles.com.
5-19-14-Met with our adoption lawyer
5-29-14-Our adoption profile books have been mailed out to our lawyer.
6-8-14- We received a phone call from a friend, a fellow adoptive mother. She had called the week before to inform me of her cousin and his wife’s sad situation. Jail/ not having custody of their other children, no home, a baby due any day, etc. We were excited and hopeful that this was our door to Joy! But on this particular day, my sweet friend was calling to inform me that the door we had hoped for was now closed. Her cousin, the birth mother and father have decided even in their chaotic mess to parent this precious baby girl.
John 11:40: “Jesus said unto her, Said I not unto thee that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?”
Psalm 84:11: “The Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.”
6-23-14- We received an email from our adoption lawyer about a Georgia baby girl. We gave the okay to pursue it. Now we hurry up and wait!
7-2-14- Georgia Peach baby. Door closed. (For those of you calculating, that is our second closed adoption door!)
7-21-14-Journal entry…I signed up on Instagram to participate in an adopt swap box. My ASB partner La emailed me today. It was so nice meeting her and reading her story. Although our stories are completely different, our desire for adoption is the same!
7-26-14-Our first (and only) parentprofile.com email! It was from a young girl named Crystal. We emailed her back. Prayed together and waited…
Psalm 27: 13-14: “I had fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”
I have continued to email and text back and forth with the young BM, Crystal.
7-31-14- Journal entry… I received an email from my adopt swap partner La that another door had closed for her. She was heartbroken. Give her a glimpse, Lord. Bless her faithfulness and her adoption journey. Draw her to your side, Lord.
8-4-14- Journal entry…Adoption hormones are the real deal! No joke!! One minute you’re walking on the clouds with excitement and anticipation, and the next minute you’re sobbing your eyes out because all seems hopeless. Lord, I pray you’ll please give me a heart of contentment and peace. If Crystal isn’t our birth mother, please close the door immediately. I’m asking You, Lord, to give us a clear peace. A sign. A glimpse. Father, please plant a seed in Crystal’s heart that salvation may follow suit. May this baby go to a loving home where he or she will come to know Christ.
8-9-14-Journal entry…Today we received a return email from Miss Crystal. She answered all of our questions. But when I stood up from reading her email, I was sick to my stomach. Nauseous. The door that had been opened to me, that baby that I wanted so terribly…wasn’t mine. Crushed in spirit, I went into the empty nursery, holy ground, and fell down on my knees before the empty crib and cried out to the only one who I long to please. I long to be more like Him, even if it means closing a door while my flesh longs to remove the hinges. For the first time, I felt I knew what Psalm 46:10 meant when it says, “Be Still and know”. I’ve never really liked that verse until today. I have a hard time” being still” and waiting. I have great ideas and stories I’d like to write if the Lord would just give the “okay”! But instead. “Be Still”… so today I’m raw. Broken. Mourning my own Allie Grace as well as this October baby, a baby I’ve prayed for and dreamed of. (I mean, I was already planning her 1st Halloween costume!) A baby that will never be mine… (Note to self: Be very careful what you pray for. I prayed for a clear peace. A sign. A glimpse. And God sure did answer. A peace so clear I almost vomited!)
Remember my Adopt Swap Box partner La? Well, it just so happens last week as I stood in my kitchen, talking to my husband, I said “I just feel that La and Crystal would be better suited.” Just by talking to the two of them for the past few weeks. I couldn’t sleep, thinking about La and Crystal. I knew God was working within me. I could feel Him. Did I dare tell La about C and possibly break her heart again? Or do I selfishly just sit on it, knowing God was telling me to close the door?
8-10-14- I texted La to call me when she had time. That night, she called me, and I told her how I had met her and this young birth mom named Crystal in the same week. (Now, weeks ago) I went on to tell her how I felt…how I loved this young BM and I loved her baby, but I knew deep within my heart this baby wasn’t mine. I asked her to begin praying about this situation, and we spoke about how Great our God is. A God who can use Instagram, an adopt swap box idea, a desire to adopt rooted in the heart of a NC woman and the heart to adopt rooted in the heart of a ND woman, and a young scared pregnant teenage girl to weave together this beautiful story.
Genesis 18:14: “Is anything too hard for the Lord?”
8-22-14- Sam and I drove three hours to meet Miss Crystal. We ate lunch together and talked. I tried with all that was in me, begging the Lord to speak through me, to speak love and encouragement into her heart. I desire to see this young girl in Heaven one day. (Will you please continue to pray for Crystal? Pray for her salvation!) The door of adoption was closed that day for our family…but the door was just beginning to open for my friend La’s family. Crystal, our BM, reached out to my dear, new friend from ND. They are still talking…will you please lift up their adoption journey as well?! The baby is due in just a few short weeks, and I know both of these precious women desire your prayers.
8-23-14- I received a phone call from a lady I have known all my life, a sweet spirited lady who knew the desires of my heart. She had sat in a worship service the night before and heard the story of a young birth mom in a nearby county who had tried to commit suicide. The thought of going back to school pregnant was too much for this girl. My friend went on to tell me that this young teen BM is due in weeks, and she is carrying a baby girl. My heart began fluttering! Tears streamed my face…could this be baby Joy? Sam and I began praying once again God’s will be done. Close the door immediately or swing the door open so wide the hinges fall off! And we wait….
8-27-14- Young BM has decided to choose life and parent this baby. Door #4…Closed.
9-12-14 Miss Crystal and my precious friend La have been MATCHED! Yep! You heard me! (Can you tell I’m really excited!?) They have both signed the adoption contract stating that their adoption is in process. There isn’t anything legally binding yet. That will come once sweet baby girl has arrived, but the fact that they have both signed the contract is huge!! Please continue to uplift these precious ladies up in prayer. I know this isn’t my actual adoption story…but since God has allowed me to play such a key role in it, I felt like I should share it with you. God is so faithful! You want to hear something else really neat about the story? La and Z asked Crystal to choose the middle name for baby B. Crystal chose the name Lee. It is her middle name and has been passed down in her family. It just so happens that is also my middle name and has been passed down in my family as well. Coincidental some may say. But I say it’s just another sign from my Heavenly Father…more Grace.
You can read La’s version of the story by clicking on the link below.
James 4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
10-2-14 Update on Baby B…she was born today three weeks early. She is beautiful, healthy and perfect! Crystal signed the papers and she is resting cozy in the arms of her adoptive parents! God is so good!
Jan. 2015- We signed with Faithful Adoption Consultants. And although we have been given “cases and situations” we still have not been matched with the baby God has for us.
June 3rd 2015- we were given a “case” (case #22 for those counting) that only two families were being presented to this Birth-Mom. We sent in the necessary documents, pictures and even spoke to the social worker. We felt “good” that this, this was our baby! Three days later on June 6th, we were told we were not chosen.
**June 17th, 2015- We received word of a baby girl in Utah being born. We were chosen!!!!! Read the blog for more information.